Shooting Bollards In-sight
for protecting your light
The Story
This is a more effective in-sight for me, as of late, a variation of pushing away. I have some serious stuff going on, namely my best friend and partner of fifteen years just passed away. It was definitely his time, but it took us a while to get there, through much in the way of ups and downs. I am at peace with his passing.
But the floaties, the mean-wellers, are sometimes too much. Many of those who mean well in my life, flip on a dime with their own motives and purposes. In the past, I have erected wall as a coping mechanism to always be prepared for these zingers and hurtful turn-arounds. Even if the slights haven't been intentional, they almost hurt doubly so because you trust in the seeming calm, seeming refuge, seeming help. And then, bam. It's almost like the rug is pulled.
The problem with walls is that they shut out the good as well as the bad. I have decided that these are temporarily helpful coping mechanisms when life is way too unsorted and overwhelming. But in shutting out all that could potentially hurt, you also run the risk of putting walls all around, then walling yourself off to the future light that lay ahead.
So…
The In-sight
Here's an alternative in-sight that I think is awesome. Bollards. And not just regular bollards. The kind that shoot up from the ground instantaneously. I remember, as a previous Navy wife, when they first installed these at the naval hospital both my husband and I worked at. It was a bit intimidating, the thought of an unauthorized car passing the barrier, then - wham - the bollards shooting up and stopping said vehicle.
Picture yourself talking to friends, loved ones, do-gooders, helpfuls, about what it is you are going through. Then, they suddenly turn it into a self-serving conversation or start giving you unrequested advice - wham. Hit the switch. Shoot these bollards up.
These people mean well (hopefully), yet cannot help themselves from bringing themselves into the equation in a way that they can more easily understand or digest. Or for them, to cope and feel comfortable, they must pigeonhole, trivialize, or solve what it is you are going through, on their terms. But they cannot touch the sacredness of your struggle. You know who you are (or you are getting to). You know how important and complicated what you are going through is. Then, when YOU are comfortable, release the switch and let the bollards back down. But only when you are ready.
Tips and Possibilities
Think of this in-sight as an insta-shield, ready whenever you need it. It’s like pushing away, but with the bollards doing the work, not you.
Add a sound, internally (or out loud if it helps). Bam! Boop! I think of a metal schwing noise, like a ninja sword. Sounds funny, but funny works.
Make a list of bollard candidates, on a BurnSheet if necessary. That way, you’ll know, but won’t have to walk around at the ready, with armor up. Eventually, it will become second nature to just be aware with these people.
Also try the Pushing Away In-sight.