Fitting In Versus Belonging

Something Brene Brown said recently, in her new Netflix special, stuck with me. She mentioned how fitting in and belonging are two very different things. This is so very true and I thought, goodness, I need to write about that; because one of the things I work for, strive for, hope for, is to help people find where they belong.

I had a childhood of not feeling like I belonged anywhere. I have struggled with this thought and this feeling my entire life, hence wanting to help others who are dealing with this. It is a very sucky feeling, feeling like you are floating with no tether. From bad marriages to bad friendships, I have always felt never enough, always apart, and separate, weird, strange, and unusual. I have always felt like I am an odd duck, like I have stuck out, even if, from the surface, I have looked like I belonged. Even amongst my family, I have felt like a fifth wheel, an oddity, an exquisite beast of something they could not understand.

So, now I feel it makes a bit more sense. What I was doing, what I have been doing, for my entire life, has been trying to fit in, in the pursuit of belonging. I have conformed or not and felt the repercussions of loneliness and isolation. I have never truly belonged because I have not found my flock. I have been the ugly duckling among ducks, and really been a swan. Seems obvious looking at it from that stance, but when you are in it, you do not see it; or, even if you do, you are in and so desperate to feel loved, to feel a part of something, that you just go with it, overlook it. Not to say that you are desperate, but you are, instinctually, in search of where you belong, for a feeling of kismet, of match, of belonging.

Well, I am here to say to you, you'll find it. Even as I still settle into my own sense of belonging, I can reassure you, that your herd is out there, whether it is human, environmental, animal, or otherwise. I am unexpectedly finding it in myself; but I can honestly say I still seek those that I do not have to "fit in" with. I search, but I also lay open to the ones who I know will find me. Because we all have an inner homing beacon if we have the courage and clarity to listen to it. They will find us and they will love us for exactly who we are. No more of this fitting in crap. Because you - and we - are amazing, exactly as we are.